Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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