dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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