I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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