You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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