i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
