god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
