That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
