You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
