Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
