New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
