My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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