he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
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