yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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