she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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