Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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