Got a toothbrush?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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