He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
