ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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