Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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