I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
