Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
