Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
