There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
