Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
