Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i now understand why vodka
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize