jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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