Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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