I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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