Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
