i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
