This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
