It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
