i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
