Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
