who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
