Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
