mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
