Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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