His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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