wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
