At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
