Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
