yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
