i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
