Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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