i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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