dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
