I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
