he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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