Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
