you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
