I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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