i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
