Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
