I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
