So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
