You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
