when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize