Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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