Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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