i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
