So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
