i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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