Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
