i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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