she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i will never coherently bang her
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
