well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
